If I am honest, today was another long day. We are all running on little sleep which means M pushes the limits a little bit more and Mom reacts to these actions a little less patiently.
I had to make conscious decisions to accept the grace extended to me.
Grace because too much tv was watched today.
Grace because I was not gentle.
Grace because we have too many clothes which is why the laundry does not get done.
The list goes on and on.
Until I finally stopped and prayed, “Lord, show me where joy is today.”
It happened through a seemingly insignificant conversation. Someone at dinner today said, in reference to us having more children one day, “Pretty soon you’ll want to trade jobs with Dan!” They meant it innocently and I took no offense, but I was shocked by my response, “Never! I would never want Dans job, I love being home… Just maybe an extra nap every week would be nice.”
As I dwelled on this response, I was so full of joy because of this reality. I love my “job.” It is by far the hardest season I have ever been in, but I love being at home with my two little ones.
I love that I am continually being refined.
I love that I learn more about myself through motherhood.
I love that I have to ask for wisdom because most of the time I have no clue what I am doing.
I love that my husband and I learn how to be more of a team.
I love that I am understanding how to love in a deeper, unconditional way.
I love that I am able to witness the two girls I have been given simply live life full of innocence and laughter.
There is so much to love.
This does not mean it is easy. Days like today prove that. And I know it is not for everyone. I am not saying this to shame any women who work out of the home or who do not want children. I am saying that for me, it is the perfect job.
“Happiness is because of your circumstances. Joy is in spite of your circumstances.”
This is where I rest tonight. Even though today’s circumstances were hard, I am full of joy because I have been giving the most rewarding job and I pray the paycheck is fruitful.