What a heavy word.
Today was a hard mind day for me. Do you ever have those days? Where it is easy to fake it on the outside, but on the inside your mind is constantly fighting negativity, fear, bitterness.
Unfortunately I really noticed it when I reacted poorly towards M’s disobedience.
In that instant my heart sunk.
Why did I lose my cool?
What made me react that way?
How will she view me?
I think we all have moments like that in our day- “Why did I say that?” “Why did I lack patience?” “Why am I so angry?” “What is wrong with me?”
After apologizing to M, I realized I was at a crossroad. I could either choose to cling to sadness because of my poor response and be a bum quite literally the whole day, or I could remember that grace has been extended to me.
And at the perfect moment, I came across this article.
What a beautiful depiction of what I had been feeling today. Brokenness. Wounds. Purple.
The author says it well,
“Lent is the season for remembering how much we need Mystery: Christ on the cross, our sin exploding out across space and time and evaporating into the cosmos, collected by the One Who Collects Us.”
I need the Mystery.
What a good reminder of how desperately I need and how thankful I am for grace. That Lent is a season to remember the resurrection- that Christ came to die for me, while I still sin, and rose again on the third day. And because of grace, I am called God’s daughter and He sees me as righteous.
No matter my screw ups.
No matter my bad days.
Truth is truth.
And I’m so glad God opened my eyes to truth today.
It changed the whole trajectory of my day.
M and I danced around the house.
Smiles and hugs existed.
I chose joy.
And this is my prayer:
“My mouth will praise you with joyful lips… For you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.” Psalm 63:5 & 7
Sums up my day pretty well. He helps me. And I do not deserve it so I will sing for joy.
(If grace is a new concept to you, I would love to talk with you!)