The Power of Words

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.”

Recently, D and I took a class at church called “What Is The Bible?” As a part of that class, we were assigned a paper that we needed to write. The paper was to be about a topic that’s covered in Proverbs. This could be anger, marriage, friendship, etc. For my topic of choice, I chose speech. I looked at what Proverbs has to say about the way we speak, and digging into this topic has really challenged me.

As I reflected on the power of speech, I thought of the quote above and realized how untrue that statement is. Some of the most painful times in my life have occurred because of something spoken to me. Lies I believe today can most always be drawn back to something said to me, whether they meant it to be intentionally hurtful or not. The same can be true of words I have spoken to others. How convicting it was to think about how I may have negatively altered someone’s life because of words I rashly spoke. My words have gotten me into trouble and sometimes I have even tried to remedy that problem with more words- lies and deceit and rationalizations for sin.

Proverbs talks about this negative side of our tongue often. A few examples would be, “the mouth of a fool brings ruin near (Proverbs 10:14)” or “there is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts(Proverbs 12:18)” or “a fools lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating. A fool’s mouth is his ruin, and his lips a snare to his soul (Proverbs 18:6-7). It’s pretty clear and probably no surprise to anyone, that our tongue can get us into double.

On the flip side, some of the most powerful moments in my life have been when beautiful words have been spoken over me. Words of encouragement and affirmation which confirmed my identity in Christ and changed the trajectory of the path I was following. Words hold so much beauty, too.

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat it’s fruits (Proverbs 18:21).”

This statement holds so much weight. Often in our home, we ask each other “was that speaking life? Or death?” I so badly want to be a woman who speaks life into those around her and I desire for my children to be the same.

As I reflected on how this looks in my daily life, I came across a document by Watchman Nee, a Chinese church leader, and brilliant writer. In his writings, “The Character of God’s Workman,” he dedicates a whole chapter to being “able to listen.” He talks about how this is a necessary trait of a Christian and how detrimental it is when we do not practice the art of listening. I highly recommend reading the whole document. For brevity’s sake, one of the statements he makes is, “One who does the work of the Lord must possess in his personal life the habit of being a good listener…no one can do good work if he is always talking and never listening…when a person comes to you wishing to talk, you must learn to listen before God. As he speaks, you need to be able to decipher three different kinds of words 1. The words spoken, 2. Those unspoken, and 3. Those hidden within the Spirit.”

This type of listening takes intentionality. It takes humility.

This sentiment is echoed by the writings of James where he says we should be quick to listen and slow to speak. And again in Proverbs 10:19, where the author bluntly says, “Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.” Well, ok.

I realized as I chewed on Nee’s thoughts and these writings, that this is so true- when I talk too much, it doesn’t always produce good. As I have began to take inventory of my speech, I realized I speak a lot of words.

So. Many. Words.

Nee challenges me to pay attention to how much I’m listening and how much I’m speaking.

When I’m talking and not listening, it can look like pride.

Do I really need to say that?

No, really. I want to examine myself.

Do I believe that everything that comes to my mind has to be said?

Do I fill space with unnecessary words? Such as jokes at others expense, complaints, demeaning myself, or gossip.

Do I ACTUALLY listen to what people are saying and discerning what they need to hear?

Am I okay with saying “I don’t know?”

When I speak is it building up?

If I’m building up, is it genuine?

And when I need to press into someone, is it done free of bitterness and anger?

Can I speak the truth boldly?

Can I accept my wrongs and use my words to say ‘I’m sorry’?

What are my words actually communicating?

Am I okay with silence?

These are just a few of the questions I have been processing as I reflect on listening to and speaking with others.

Proverbs 17:27-28 says, “Whoever restrains his words has knowledge…even a fool who keeps silent is wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.”

In our culture, it seems like the more we have to say, the more valuable we are.

But is what we are saying actually valuable?

“Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body (Provebrs 16:24).”

Oh how I long for this to be what characterizes my mouth.

I want my husband to feel built up by me. I want him to feel he can conquer the world because of words I have spoken.

I want my kids to have life breathed into them by me. For them to know that I am their biggest cheerleader and biggest truth teller.

I want to listen well and speak truthfully in relationships.

I want to honor God with my tongue.

I’m curious: what is the most beautiful thing that has been spoken to YOU? And how did it change your life?